Cancer Aftermath as a Guitarist After Chemotherapy: 2015 -2026 Pt. 1

My name is Jesse Crabtree, 46 years old, and I am officially on my second "album" with a cancer diagnosis. I don't usually write about my experience with cancer because it is deeply personal and invades every part of your private life. There are countless stories in the world about how this disease has taken so much from so many, while also offering a chance to submit and let life show you its course. There are lots of things that they tell you ahead of time that give you pause and really make you rethink where you are in life. There are also many downfalls that most cancer patients have to experience in order to gain understanding on how to handle these hurdles that are being thrown at you. Here is where I am going to tell you about my cancer aftermath as a guitarist after chemotherapy and how it made me the better person that I am today.

I was first diagnosed with cancer in October of 2015.  I had surgery to remove what they could.  I then had a port installed in my chest for chemotherapy treatments that ran from December of 2015 until March of 2016.  That pretty much meant I didn't practice much guitar at all during that time. I lost my hair after my first week of treatment and my sessions were 5 days a week, Monday through Friday, every 3rd week, and immune boosters on Saturday, until the end of February when I got to ring that glorious bell.  That first journey with cancer was bearable, although unpleasant most of the time, and I learned a lot.  Sitting on that chemo throne for 8 hours a day gives you plenty of time for retrospective thought.  For me I started looking forward to things I really enjoyed with a whole new attitude. 

After my recent cancer removal surgery.

This recent diagnosis of cancer in the lower mouth is a little different.  We did not know the extent to which the cancer had spread, so on surgery day we had to remove all my lower teeth and take a skin graft from my neck to overlay on my newly exposed lower jaw where the most cancer was removed.  My tongue was sewn down for 10 days and I was restricted to a liquid diet and a small handful of prescriptions to speed my recovery.  It took a few days before I could even hold a guitar comfortably. This time its different because I have my amazing, supportive, hellacious, guardian of everything wife Sommer to help me through all the tough stuff.  She is and always will be my rock and my star!!!  Back to the guitar...

My music experience has led me to lots of great experiences in the Carolinas.  I've been to hundreds of live shows, festivals, impromptu jam sessions and countless hours looking at all manner of guitars out there. I had a couple different groups of guys over the years that I jammed with where we would kick around riffs and songs and generally have a kick ass time just jamming to whatever we felt like.  We were not the best by any means but we had a blast doing it.  We jammed in some very interesting spaces, because back then finding a jam spot meant that you had found the gathering.  A place where everyone could hang and listen to music and be yourself.  That is also how I met my wife, but that part will come later.  In 2015 my body started exhibiting some serious warning signs that led me to the Novant emergency room that fall.

For the first week of my chemotherapy in late December of 2015 I thought I was going to be able to read and listen to music to pass the time.  That’s when the really hard learning started. I couldn't remember what I just read. When in chemotherapy there is an onset of certain physical conditions that are inevitable.  The powers that be know this for fact, and the first few hours of getting hooked up to the machine are about prepping your body for the chemical therapy it is about to receive.  I had to start eating first thing in the morning, which I didn't like, because by the time the Etopicide and Sysplatin started running I was immediately “burnt”.  

There is a condition that sets in thats is commonly referred to as chemo brain.  This condition is the inability to quickly recall simple facts and figures.  My hands weren't working that well anymore either. What they don’t tell you is that this affects reading comprehension, quick mathematical computations, as well as a host of other short term stored information that the brain processes.  This meant that every paragraph I read, I forgot.  Every song I listened to was foreign.  Most of the warm up licks on the guitar that I used to crave made me anxious and frustrated because I just couldn’t get my hands to remember. Even today, without some practice time my guitar playing starts to suffer.

I soon realized that the ailments my body was experiencing in my mid 30s would become exaggerated after every chemo session and into the next decade.  After 20 years of loud, unfiltered volume the ringing in my ears wouldn’t go away.  Usually after a night of loud rock and roll a few Ibuprofen and a good nights sleep were the only remedies required.  Tinnitus is the condition of constant ringing in the ears.  Then the neuropathy started and the tingling, numbing sensation in my hands became more and more a part of my every day routine.  Warming up your hands for a guitar session is one thing, but not being able to move certain fingers at all is downright scary.  Heartburn was a common occurrence and my magnesium and potassium levels dropped well below my daily recommended limits.  

What this meant to me was that I had to rethink all of the habits and routines that I had developed for the last 10 years and playing music was a big habit of mine.  At the time I was able to memorize songs and go to the weekend jam and rock them out.  Not so much anymore.  I loved playing live, standing up in front of whoever could take it and rocking out about as loud as I could without blowing someone’s amp up.  The energy it took for me to participate like that did not exist anymore.  I had all the standard “one doesn’t skip practice” memes thrown at me, but that all started before my diagnosis so I was just mentally bracing myself for the inevitable.  My sleep schedule was already in shambles and going through chemotherapy treatment didn’t help at all.  My lifestyle was turned upside down and my work life balance did not exist anymore.

That’s when I met my wife Sommer.  She is the reason that I continued playing music and stayed on my guitar journey. She is the best gift that I ever received from a jam session and my life has been a joy to experience ever since.  She helped me rebuild and redefine what it was to be a cancer survivor and a better guitarist for it.  We have worked intensely over the past 10 years on everything from diet to lifestyle to learning music and with the help of her 2 kids Valen & Tylor they’ve inspired me to be the very best version of myself.  Just knowing that my wife will be there no matter what takes the fear of cancer away and makes me stronger for it.

I hope this finds you in good health or at least good mental health no matter what you are going through. You can always find me looking at, reading about, or playing guitars so just look up LKN Guitar Works on Facebook or YouTube and we'll strike up a conversation.